Friday, January 28, 2005

In honor of Tim Cutler

About a year ago, a very tragic thing happened to an acquaintance of mine. Actually, he was more than an acquaintance, but not quite a friend. He had been my husband's roommate for a year in college, and he happened to live in San Francisco when said husband and I were dating. His name was Tim Cutler. He appeared at all the parties, the drunken bar gatherings, the picnics in the park, and various other goings on while husband-to-be and I flirted. He was a nice guy, notably nicer than many of the other "college buddies" I met. Funny, down-to-earth, prone to slurring his words and stumbling upon too many drinks--for which he was relentless teased by the other, more "sophisticated" members of the posse. He was not a "hot" guy. Which is not to say he was unattractive. Just not someone a chick (like me) would see at a bar and think "wow!" He was happy-go-lucky, appreciated women of all kinds, and would sincerely try to pick up the lovely ladies he met at all the SF bars, whether he was slurring his words or not. More often than not, he went home alone. But he went home smiling. At least, this is my perception of him. I don't know how much of that is colored by the fact that he is now dead. Dead people are always saints, aren't they?

Anyway, to make a long story longer . . Last year, on January 24th, Tim was supposed to get married. On Friday morning before the wedding, he woke early to a big storm. The wind had knocked down a power line near his home, so he called 911 to report it. He was electrocuted as soon as the call connected. They took him off life support the following Monday, January 26th. This is all I know of the accident. As I said, he was not a close friend, and so details are hard to come by. My husband knew him better, and knew his close friends better, but still--details are sketchy. It is not something people want to talk about.

So. There is is. Tim Cutler is dead. The day before his wedding. At 32 years old. Today, like then, I don't know what to say about it. I have been thinking about it for a year, and of course it still makes no sense.

I have been e-mailing with his fiancee over the last year. Again, she is not a friend really, but more of an acquaintance. I met her only once before Tim died, since she and Tim got together long after husband and I moved away from SF. We spent a weekend in Carmel with some other couples, talking about wedding plans, drinking beer, hiking. But it was only a weekend, not enough to make a friend.

Anyway I have been emailing her throughout the year because I am way too afraid to call her and actually have to talk to her in person. (I am not good with face-to-face emotions.) She is amazing. At first she was in shock and denial but I guess she is starting to accept it more now. I don't know how. I have been so impressed with her but I know that the truth is--life does go on. She doesn't have a choice, she is still among the living, so she has to continue. She is doing what all of us would have to do in the same situation, but what we all thank god (or whoever) every day that we don't have to do. She has not responded to my last email, and I don't know what that means. Maybe she is out of the country. Maybe her email address changed. Maybe she is really depressed and the last thing she wants to do is respond to an email from an acquaintance. I don't know.

But I hope she's okay.

And I just can’t wrap my brain around the fact that he is dead, that he was killed in a freak accident the morning before his wedding.

Or that I finally started my own blog.


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Anonymous said...

This is a riot! We have a friend Tim Cutler and this decribes him to a tee (except the him being dead part). We really enjoyed reading him obit.

Anonymous said...

his obit, not him obit.

Anonymous said...

Hi..nice what you wrote about Tim. He was my roommate in college when a bunch of us lived in an old house off-campus..and you described him to a tee! He was a great friend, although we did not keep in touch after graduation, I stayed in LA and he migrated north. Was your husband a Beta as well? Maybe I know him. Sadly, another one of that group of guys has recently died - in a car accident a week ago..Darren Dahlman was his name. The lone survivor was Ryan Doheny. Tomorrow I will fly to LA to attend his funeral. Very sad..and has prompted me to start thinking about Tim again..and wonder how his fiance-to-be whom I never met, has handled it. Thanks for your blog, hope you are well!

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