Marriage counseling: Session One

Okay, let's get this out of the way: Lance totally won today.

Lance! Lance won! How is that possible? I was so sure that we'd be leaving our session today with the counselor sympathetically patting my shoulder and commiserating about what a tough road I have to hoe (road to hoe? is that right? what does that even mean?*) with Lance as my husband.

Instead, I got this: "Well, Amy, I'm not saying you shouldn't be annoyed. You can be annoyed. But you should also be aware that in this way, you are actually trying to control what he's saying." ME? Control LANCE? WTF? It is my contention that Lance is the control freak in our relationship!

Fucking quack.

I feel compelled to add this, though: Even while he was ever so (NOT) gently calling me a controlling bitch, he admitted that I was "clinically correct." Ha! As in, "actually, it's true that you are clinically correct, that his way of communicating here is not entirely honest and that we may have to take a bit longer to get to the meat of what he is saying, but that's his style, and that's okay. He's not changing his style, even though you have indicated your annoyance with it three different times in this session."

I'm giving myself a point or two for that, I don't care what anybody says. I was clinically correct! That means I am smart! And that's all I need to know.

*Wait! Now I get it: Row to hoe! You know, like the farmers, hoeing their rows. (it's starting to sound dirty now, isn't it?)