Wondering . . .

1. Why Vivian has awoken (waked? woken up?), crying, at 5:15am for the last 4 mornings, only to fall back asleep as soon as her cries have disturbed every other sleeping person in the house, especially Isaac, who does not seem to understand the phrase "go back to sleep", insisting instead that it means, "talk loudly and demand television, milk, toys, etc. until my parents lose their mind".

2. Why, even on the mornings Vivian does not wake up, Isaac insists on rising by 6:15, with no chance of returning to sleep. And why his sleeping habits from the day before (nap or no nap; early bedtime or late bedtime) have no bearing on this.

3. When Isaac will understand that saying "Mommy, I peed!" after pissing his underpants for the millionth time in an hour is not the same thing as saying "Mommy, I need to pee!" before pissing said underpants. Also, will he be twelve before we achieve the magic of pooping on the potty?

4. Why all of our bath towels get little bleached out stains on them within moments of purchase. Could it be the shampoo? Face cleaner? Whitening toothpaste? Bathroom cleaner? Some creature (paid by Bed, Bath and Beyond, no doubt) living in my house that is trying to systematically drive me mad, while at the same time clean out my checking account?

5. Why our 500 thread count, expensive, DKNY sheets are completely pilled less than 6 months after purchase.

6. How the hell I am going to manage the next 7 days, with Lance out of town, and the two children in cahoots, already plotting ways to drive me out of my fucking mind.