Shocking News

“(Greensboro, NC) Atlantic Coast Conference Commissioner John Swofford announced today that a foul is tentatively scheduled to be called against Duke sometime in the first half of their game with UNC in Chapel Hill, next Tuesday, February 7th.

In a joint press conference with Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski, and ACC Director of Officials John Clougherty, Swofford said an agreement had been reached for a touch foul to be whistled on as-yet-to-be-determined Blue Devil player around the 7:00 minute mark during the first half of the game at the Smith Center.

"We are very excited to arrange something that hasn't been seen in our conference since 1998," said Swofford. "I want to personally commend Mike {Krzyzewski} for agreeing to thisunconventionall deal. We all know how reluctant he has been to allow any calls to go against his team."

Krzyzewski insisted that this move was purely a gesture of generosity aimed at rehabilitating his public image in light of recent lip-synching fiascos during several nationally televised games. "The camera did not catch me really uttering the BS-word during my argument with the official the other night. Those really were my lips moving but I wasn't really yelling the word. I'm sure our fans will understand."

"Mike is being a really good sport about this," noted UNC coach Roy Williams. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to play them with a foul being called against their squad, and to have it happen here in front of the home crowd will be especially enjoyable for our fans."

Clougherty says that unless unforeseen intimidation happens during the game, that the scheduled foul should occur without a hitch. "It all depends on whether Coach K holds up his end of the bargain and promises not toharasss our crew that evening." Clougherty also said not to expect any more fouls to be called against Duke this season, but did not rule out the possibility of another one being called in an exhibition game in November 2006. "The Duke AD told me that they are trying to schedule Marathon Oil for a pre-season game next year and we are in discussions about perhaps calling another foul against Duke in that match-up if everyone can come to terms."

The officiating crew for the Duke vs. UNC game will not be announced publicly prior to the game in order to protect their privacy. Swofford said he anticipated a media barrage and did not want the referees to be distracted from their big task at hand. "This is a big deal and a momentous occasion for the league. We need our employees to remain focused so that they can complete their jobs in what could end up being a very difficult situation."

Game Notes: If the foul occurs on February 7th, it will be the 27th foul called against the Blue Devils in their basketball history........... UNC fan favorite Byron (Colonel) Sanders had a chicken bone removed from his throat yesterday, and is expected to be recovered for the game...... Dick Vitale and Mike Patrick will be handling the TV play by play for ESPN. Vitale says he has no idea what he will say when the foul is called against Duke but he has been placed on a prescription sedative as a preventive measure. (Patrick could not be reached for comment, and was last seen entering a tanning salon in Durham with a picture of JJ Redick)......... A CBS 60 Minutes television crew is planning to attend the game to catch the event on tape for an upcoming expose on the Duke basketball program and how Mike Krzyzewski uses friendships and loyalty to advance his own agenda.”

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In news that might be more interesting (though not as funny): Just now I sneezed, and Vivian said "Bess you, Mommy."

Awww!