Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Breaking the Seal

Remember when I told you some secrets? And I said I wouldn't talk about Thing One and Thing Two again? Well, I just can't help myself.

So. After the feeding-the-grandmother-chicken-noodle-soup-instead-of-the-doctor-recommended-Ensure episode, there were several more in a similar vein. For example, one night in the hospital room, Thing One and Thing Two were there, with Uncle and Aunt, and a priest. After some pleasant discussions, Aunt and Uncle suggested they all leave the priest alone with grandmother. Aunt and Uncle walked out of the room. Thing One & Two followed--until they got to the door, when they closed it, remaining in the room with grandmother and priest.

Next came Vivian's birthday. We had heard through the grapevine that Thing One & Thing Two were not coming, because they were not going to talk to my mother-in-law until she apologized to Thing Two. (For what? Well, she told Thing Two that it was not really her place to decide what grandmother should eat, given that a doctor had already given explicit instructions.)

Anyway, Thing One and Thing Two did show up, about 1/2 hour late. They refused to look or speak to my mother-in-law and were so blatantly rude I had a hard time not slapping them. And slapping my husband and father-in-law for not calling them on it. Then they took a walk on the beach for about 45 minutes, came back for 10 minutes, again being as rude as possible, and left.

I LOATHE THEM. And I am not allowed to say anything to them! Every time I try, my husband cuts me off completely. Or my father-in-law changes the subject. When I try to discuss it with my mother-in-law, she gives excuse after excuse for their behavior. No one holds them accountable for their actions. I can't tell you the number of times I have wanted to shout during a family get-together: "Are you seriously going to treat your mother this way? Did you really just say that? And your dad isn't throwing you out of the house??" But I can't. They are not my family, after all, and I can't start a family feud that my in-laws are doing everything in their power to avoid. Not to mention that whenever I do slip, and let something snide come out, Lance and I end up arguing about it. As my mom said, allowing those two idiots to cause any strife in my marriage would be beyond stupid. So I try really hard to respect my in-laws' and my husbands' decision to "rise above".

Why am I telling this story now? Well, here's another story for you: Every Christmas for the last several years, my sister has made a photo calendar for everyone in the family. The calendar has photos of her kids, and all of us, and is really fun to have around, especially since I don't see my family but a few times a year. Two Christmases ago, Isaac was one, so I made a similar calendar, gifting one to each family member. Everyone got two calendars that year, since Ann also made hers. Last Christmas, I made no calendar, thinking I'd get one from Ann. Unfortunately, she thought the same thing, which meant no calendars for anyone. (Yeah, we need to work on our communication skills.) After Christmas, I made my own. In the interest of being fair, I even included a photo of Isaac with Thing One and Thing Two. Guess which picture is on the July page? Right, so now every day I get to look at those two assholes and remember how ridiculous they act, how horribly they treat people who have done nothing but love them, and how they always get away with it.

The good news is that the other night Isaac got his spaghetti-covered hands all over the picture. Now I just need him to draw some devil horns . . .

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