Thursday, February 24, 2005

Judith's baby

So our friend Judith, Tim's fiancee, sent an email the other day. Turns out, she's pregnant. She went to Spain a while back and now she's back, pregnant by a guy she met there. She sounds really happy about it, and for that reason, I am happy for her. If Tim hadn't died, she would probably be pregnant right now too, so there's that.

Judith has a very supportive family and she will be living at home for the duration. Tim's parents, who have maintained a close relationship with Judith since Tim's death, are also thrilled and very supportive. Apparently the father will come for about a month in August when she is due. It doesn't sound like they are still in a relationship, but that he will be part of his child's life in some ways. So it sounds like she will have a lot of help. And this is good.


There is a little part of me that is thinking, "Oh, no." I hate to think of an innocent child being brought into this world with such a weight. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm afraid people are expecting this child to somehow make up for Tim's death. A child always brings joy as no doubt this child will. And I want Judith to experience that. And I want Tim's parents to be grandparents. But isn't it a little soon?

Oh, this sounds wrong. Like I am in any position to judge. And I'm not really judging, because honestly, I do want Judith to be happy, and if this makes her happy, then so be it. I don't want to be sitting here in my happy little house with my very alive husband and two beautiful children and say--"Oh, gee, I don't know, is that the right thing to do, Judith?" I mean, I have NO IDEA what she has been through this year. And I don't even know her well enough to know how much grieving she has done, whether she is coming out of the black place or still stuck there.

So. I am just going to be happy for her. She does sound thrilled, and she should be. Maybe this baby is exactly what she needs, and what Tim's parents need, and what the world needs.

I'll just shut up now.


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